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They say that God Intelligent Designer (Who Is Possibly An Alien) (IDWIPAA) works in mysterious ways. So it should come as no surprise that the key to answering the intelligent design vs. evolution debate appeared in a message board post on reddit (a website whose logo, incidentally, is an alien. Coincidence? I think not). At this point, I must give the user “psyne” (possibly his/her real name) credit for the ground-breaking idea of Intelligent Lighting (IL). Let me explain.

Introduction

Proponents of intelligent design argue that everything on Earth was created by an IDWIPAA. Yet, the complexity of biological organisms and the number of unanswered questions in the field of biology make it virtually impossible to prove that biological organisms were designed by IDWIPAA. In Science, whenever we come up against difficult problems of this nature, one approach is to look for simpler examples that are analogous to the original question, and Intelligent Lighting is the perfect parallel for this.

Theory

Consider the Sun and the Moon. The Sun: a big bright light that lights up your work environment while you are working, and the Moon: a small mood light for the more intimate night. The evidence is clear. Our Intelligent Designer (Who Is Possibly An Alien) is, in fact, an Interior Designer (Who Is Possibly An Alien). What other possible explanation could there be for the perfect correlation between interior work lighting and the Sun, and between night-time mood lighting and the Moon.

Discussion

I can hear the naysayers now. “Why would an IDWIPAA create a mood light that is sometimes left on during the day? If your IDWIPAA is so intelligent, surely the Moon would only appear at night.” The answer to this question also provides an opportunity for definitively proving the existence of IDWIPPA. You see, surely an IDWIPAA capable of creating the Sun/Moon lighting system would be advanced enough to create a remote control to turn them on and off. The obvious answer, therefore, is that IDWIPAA has misplaced the remote control, and we are now stuck with the system set in “timer” mode.

Proving IL – The Search for the Holy Remote Control

At this point, I need your help. Somewhere out there is a remote control for the Sun and Moon. This is a holy relic that will prove, once and for all, the existence of an Intelligent Designer. I therefore humbly ask you to assist me in the search for this relic. I am hereby offering the sum of $1million for anyone who can produce a remote controller capable of turning the Sun on/off, or of dimming the Moon (we all know that mood lights use a dimmer, that’s just interior design 101). I realize that anyone finding this relic may be tempted to sell it on eBay. It would probably fetch a good price. Please resist this temptation! Put the good of Science above your own greed.

Clues on the Location of the Holy Remote Control

My own personal research suggests that most remote controllers that have been misplaced often appear: (1) Under the cushions in the couch (65%); (2) Being chewed on by the dog (30%); or (3) Under the magazines on the lounge table (5%). Let’s examine these one by one. The location will therefore depend on the nature of IDWIPAA. If the IDWIPAA is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for example, we could expect the remote control to turn up underneath the tomato-based sauce in pasta dishes. As another example, I expect that IDWIPAA wouldn’t keep such a trivial pet as a dog. However, creationism tells us that Tyrannosaurus Rex would have been an ideal pet, who may have confused the remote control for a coconut. Therefore, I would also like everyone to be on the lookout for Tyrannosaurus Rex feces. I know what a terrible job it is to sift through coconut-husk filled feces. But be strong. Remember, this is for science! Finally, under magazines on the lounge table. However, seeing as how our IDWIPAA is already intelligent, we wouldn’t expect IDWIPAA to read anything too heavy. Perhaps the remote control is under a stack of PlayAlien somewhere. Keep your eyes peeled.

Significance of the Holy Remote Control

One of the most significant aspects of the holy remote control is that it will reveal information about the IDWIPAA. For example, if the remote control is covered in sticky pasta sauce, we may be able to conclude that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is our intelligent designer. Similarly, if the controller is covered in short orange hair, the intelligent designer may be of the species ALF. On the other hand, if the controls for the Moon dimmer include up/down arrows, we may conclude that the reddit alien is the intelligent designer.

Conclusions

To summarize the theory of Intelligent Lighting: Any self-respecting IDWIPAA would require a strong primary light source for doing work, and a softer mood light for setting the mood during “down-time”. The Sun and the Moon are these light sources. The remote control for the Sun and Moon were lost sometime in the last 8000 years since IDWIPAA created them. The discovery of the remote control will prove, once and for all, the theory of Intelligent Lighting, and thereby the theory of Intelligent Design (and as a corollary, the theory of Interior Design). Furthermore, the state of the remote control may give us clues as to the nature of the IDWIPAA.

Wrap-up

As mentioned, I am offering $1million for proof of the remote control. If you are submitting evidence in the form of images, please note that any images containing pixels will be immediately disqualified as having been Photoshopped. Video evidence may be submitted to YouTube with links posted here.

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